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Radical Muddling
Prayer in practice
This is a throwback to my early teens, when I was reading fantasy novels by the truckload (never doubt how much I was shaped by living across the street from a branch of the public library) and wanted to communicate with animals. I wanted to be able to shape-shift into an animal, to be able to hear their stories in my mind, to befriend them and go on adventures. It was a logical extension of those longings that I mourned the death of road-killed creatures. It made me deeply sad, and I got in the habit of sending a missive to God to look over that creature's soul.
In the decade-plus since I fell into this habit, I still say that prayer -- every time -- without thinking. I usually tag on an addendum about how sad I am for the human who hit that animal, and for a world that sends so many animals under the wheels of so many cars. It always strikes me as a little silly, this mental mini-prayer, because as I've grown older, and learned more about the world, I've come to realize how many greater tragedies there are than a dead raccoon by a highway. For all the horror and hurting in this beautiful world of ours, what I remember to pray for is roadkill.
This Lenten season, I'm trying to get into a new habit: saying grace before I eat. This is more difficult that I expected it to be. It's not that I lack the thankfulness. I have much to be grateful for: the people at market who grew my food, the easy electricity to store and prepare it, the luxury of being in a time and place and income bracket where I can eat what I want, what my body needs, when I want it. I am thankful for the many miracles of nature that produced what I eat, and --for the few items that come from the store-- the amazing human effort expelled to get it from field to plant to truck to state to store to me. I am thankful to people and to seeds, to rainfall and sunny days, and to God. Where I fall short is in the daily practice. Remembering to take a moment of gratitude is a challenge. I frequently find myself halfway through a meal or a snack before I remember my new discipline: There have been too many prayers that boil down to "Hey there. Thanks for that rice that I ate an hour ago. Oops!"
Its an interesting transition to go from being broadly-and-generally thankful to taking the time to note exactly what I'm thankful for. In my life, there is an infinite amount to be thankful for, and I spend so little of my time saying thank you for it. If I can pray for a dead raccoon, allowing it to stand in for a moment, for all the suffering of the world, then it's high time I learn how to share my gratitude with the divine as well.